" Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
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"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper."
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"If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark."
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"Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf."
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"An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing."
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"Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do?Turn out the lights! "
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"I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier."
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"The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things."
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"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
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"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."
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"Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference."
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"The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot; The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius. "
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